Who Knew?

"Everything can change in an instant," so the old adage goes. We all know it is true, but, for some reason or another, it just seems to become one of those facts that we forget about by the end of the night. "Yep, life sure can change in an instant. Okay, honey, turn out the lights, I'll take the recycling out..." On and on our lives go, almost as if to ignore this simple truth. I know I did.

One month ago, right this very minute, I was enjoying a reception with my beautiful wife after our wedding celebration. We were dancing, chatting with our closest friends and family. We were enjoying every minute of it.

Afterwards, we came home, and within a week, Jessica was in the emergency room. Our entire lives, quite literally, became a song of a different tune overnight. Who knew, seeing us that night, so happy, we were just a week away from one of the most impacting events we may ever experience?

Now, normally, a procedure like this would take a week or two to begin to heal up, and the patient is released back home. However, unfortunately, Jessica had suffered a severe stroke during her procedure and has lost all control of her left side. The stroke has also affected her long-term memory and motor functions. And although we thank God that the situation still is so much better than it could have been, it still is surreal sometimes to think about. Truth be told, I struggle to remember what Jessica was like before this all happened. I remember doing things with her but I regret to say I don't believe I ever really paid as much attention to her as I wish I did. Because, really, who knew that we would be in this position?

Jessica has been in physical rehabilitation for a few days now and already has made tremendous progress. We are hopeful that she will recover swiftly, and should regain most, if not all control of her body and feeling. I'm able to have full conversations with her now and she is doing much better on keeping eye contact for more than a few seconds at a time. And yet the one thing she keeps repeating are those two words, "Who knew?" Though her sentences are still somewhat broken and she sometimes can't quite find the right words to use, I know what she means, and it sums up what everyone has been feeling since that beautiful day, one month ago: "Who knew, seeing that couple so filled with joy and love, that in just a few days they will face the hardest event of their lives?" Who knew...

Now, it has been the hardest thing of my life, and has yet to prove its difficulty. But a few days into this whole event, I went into my car, placed my head on the steering wheel and wept. I wept hysterically, for over an hour. I pulled out my phone and updated my Facebook. I wanted everyone to know what was on my heart and mind. This is what it read:

I've just begun to realize the scale this event is ultimately going to have in my and Jessica's life. This is really hard, but I thank God that Jessica finally got to have the wedding of her dreams without a single complication. I thank God that she is doing as well as she is, and that her condition isn't as bad as it could be. I thank God that we got our personal crap sorted out so we weren't fighting when this stuff happened. I thank God that we are surrounded by some of the most exceptional professionals in the medical field. And I thank God that I still have my wife, that she hasn't left this world. I know it would be so much easier for her to have been called home, but I thank God that he is leaving her in my hands still.

Those of you who have your spouse in good health, go for a walk together. Hold hands and hug each other. Kiss each other and apologize for fighting. Watch a movie and cuddle together. Speak honestly and don't hold your emotions from each other. Give freely and don't expect anything back. Eat together and enjoy each other. Do all this and know that there are couples so much in love, but who can't do any of it, be it ever again or for a short time. Because you never know how much it hurts to lose all of that until you already have.

The truth of the matter is, only God knows. God knew, seeing us have the wedding of our dreams, that shortly thereafter would come this storm. God knew what a challenge this would be for us, and how thoroughly my heart would break for every tear that runs down Jessica's cheek. Only God knew that this event would cease all the plans we had been making together. And yet, loving father that he is, he couldn't say anything. I can only imagine, as I sit here with my own tears, how difficult it would be to not say a word. Sure, it would have made everything easier, I guess. Yeah, God could have just healed Jessica and we would have never had to go through this. And yet, "we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." God's purpose is worth it, every tear that falls and every heartache that comes, his glory is worth it.

Heed what I said about loving those who you have and mending your bridges. Because only God knows how much time you have to do it. "God doesn't want you to be happy. He wants you to be strong."